Progress was stalling, deadlines were looming, and frustration was growing—Chris, a respected expert, kept resisting new ideas. Oliver, my client, was at a crossroads, unsure how to move forward.
The solution involved two key actions: FIRST, Oliver needed to let go of past perceptions. SECOND, he needed to approach Chris with openness and awareness to build trust and foster positive influence.
When we hold onto old beliefs and judgments about others, we stop seeing what’s actually possible.
Being fully present allows us to approach a situation without past baggage clouding our view. We can respond to what’s in front of us instead of being dragged down by past behaviors or deeds.
If you place your trust in others based on the past, the future will simply repeat those patterns, and you will continue meeting resistance.
By seeing people in the present moment—free from the past and beneath all the layers—you recognize their inherent value and potential and are more likely to create a different outcome.
Here’s a summary of our conversation.
Oliver began by expressing frustration: 'He’s always pushing back on new ideas. He’s done things his way for so long, and I just don’t see him changing.'
I asked what might be behind Chris's resistance, and Oliver realized it stemmed from fear—fear of losing status and control.
This insight led us to plan a one-on-one approach, positioning the new project as an opportunity for Chris to grow his influence while acknowledging his past successes.
Oliver agreed that he carried a lot of frustrations based on previous interactions with Chris. But change starts with the willingness to see the person differently.
Let's look at the first step related to letting go of past perceptions and being in the present moment.
Steps to let go of past perceptions
Let Go of Past Perceptions: Acknowledge any judgments or frustrations you’ve held. Make a conscious choice to release them and focus on the present. It’s not easy, but letting go helps clear any tension.
Center Yourself in the Present Moment: Take deep breaths before the conversation. Meet this person as they are now, not as they’ve been.
Clear Your Mind of Assumptions: Set aside expectations and approach with curiosity, seeing it as an opportunity to learn.
Focus on Growth: Shift your mindset to see potential rather than limitations. When they sense this openness, they’re less likely to resist.
When they don’t sense resistance from you, they’re less likely to resist or put up their own shield. They may even surprise you with their openness.
With this mindset in place, let’s explore specific actions that can help build trust and create a collaborative environment during your conversation.
Steps to influence and build trust
Start Small and Safe: Begin privately, away from authority figures, reducing pressure and allowing for honest dialogue.
Acknowledge Expertise: Recognize their contributions without endorsing resistance. Respect sets the stage for dialogue.
Emphasize Continued Importance: Reinforce their role’s value. Let them feel needed, not threatened.
Frame Change as Growth: Present the new project as an expansion of their strengths.
Invite Ideas: Create a space for them to share concerns. Listen actively and include them.
Build Respect: Develop an alliance. Reinforcing their importance builds a lasting, respectful bond.
Influencing a resistant colleague starts by meeting them in the present. With respect and genuine curiosity, you create space for growth.
This isn't about forcing change; it’s about building trust and guiding them toward a shared vision. Leading this way not only ensures project success but also strengthens your influence and your team.
Roberto
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