Argue for Your Limitation and You’ll Win. Alone.

Every time you say “That’s just how I am,” I see you digging. Not your heels—your hole.

And the deeper you dig, the lonelier it gets.

During a recent workshop, I told a group of technical leaders exactly that.

These people had built successful careers on data, accuracy, and precision—but had grown disillusioned with trying to drive change in a system that felt immovable.

When I asked them to experiment with different ways to build trust, manage stakeholders, and influence through connection rather than control, the resistance was immediate.

Not because they didn’t care—but because they didn’t believe it would work here.

They had lost hope.

And yet, the very fact that I was brought in to run this workshop meant that something at the top had shifted.

Leadership knew the culture needed to change at the root.

And these leaders? They are the root

So I brought out the shovel.

“Imagine me digging a hole right now,” I said. “Every time you argue for your limitations, you dig yourself a little deeper."

This hole you’re in?

That’s the Limitation Hole.

It became a running joke.

Someone would slip into a fixed mindset, ‘But that’s not how we do things,’ or ‘My team isn’t like that,’ or ‘This will never work here,’ and I’d mime shoveling.

The room would laugh—because they saw it.

They saw themselves.

And here’s the thing about that hole: the deeper you go, the more isolated you become.

The people around you?

They stay on the surface. They evolve. They grow. They move.

No one wants to come down into your Limitation Hole with you.

Arguing for your limitations is a defense of identity.

It’s your ego saying, “Let me keep this version of myself intact—even if it’s no longer working.”

And I’ve been there.

Years ago, in one of my tech roles, I kept insisting that my way of thinking was just “how I’m wired.” I thought I was being clear, focused, efficient.

I didn’t realize how often I shut people down—not with harshness, but with certainty.

One of my team members finally told me, “You don’t leave much room for us, Roberto.”

That one hit. I still remember where I was sitting.

And honestly? I spent months defending myself before I saw the truth.

I was in the hole. Digging. Proud of it.

Alone.

But what’s the cost of being right, if you’re also being rigid?

At some point in the recent workshop, one of the participants—initially one of the most resistant—said, “I didn’t think you could teach an old dog new tricks… but you did.”

That shift wasn’t about learning my material.

It was about letting go of control.

Of needing to be right. Of leading with answers instead of awareness.

How much of your resistance is just your past trying to stay in control?

If the past is driving your leadership, don’t be surprised when the future stops listening.

Transformation isn’t about fixing. It’s about seeing differently.

You don’t have to become someone else. You just have to stop protecting the version of you that no longer serves.

Awareness doesn’t fill the hole.

Stopping the digging does.

So, how do you know you’re holding the shovel?

You won’t always catch it in real time. But there are clues—words, reactions, patterns—that signal you’re starting to dig.

Here are a few:

“That’s just how I do things.”
“We’ve always done it this way.”
“That won’t work with my team, in this organization.”
“They just don’t get it.”
“This isn’t me.”
“I tried that once—it didn’t work.”
“I’m not the type.”
“It’s not my job to…”

If you hear these in your head—or worse, out loud—you’re probably halfway down the hole.

Here’s what you can do instead:

Ask someone on your team to flag it when they hear you digging.
Pay attention to what triggers your resistance: new ideas, slower processes, different leadership styles.
Turn one of those phrases into a cue. The moment it shows up, pause. Ask: What am I trying to protect right now?

And if you hear those same lines coming from someone else?

That’s your mirror.

In my workshops, you don’t need to learn a new way to lead—you need to unlearn the one that keeps you disconnected.

If you’re still digging, it’s time to stop arguing for your limitations. Because they’re not your truth. They’re just habits that got too comfortable.

Try this today:

Before your next meeting or conversation, pause for ten seconds and ask yourself: