Be Seen. No Permission Needed

A few weeks ago, I was facilitating a workshop with a mixed group of professionals when I noticed something that was all too common.

An accomplished director started speaking—clear, direct, insightful. And then, within seconds, a colleague cut in.

Not maliciously. Not aggressively. Just… because he could.

And she did what I’ve seen so many people do when faced with dominant personalities.

She paused. She let him finish. And when she spoke again, her voice was just slightly softer.

She didn’t seem angry or even consciously aware of it. But in that moment, she made herself just a little smaller.

I sat there, uncomfortable. Not because of what happened but because of what I knew.

Because I’ve been that person who took up space without thinking twice.

Let me take you back about 30 years.

I was younger, heavier, and as a 6’2”, 230-pound man, I already took up space just by existing. But that wasn’t enough.

One day, I got on a train, found a seat, and sat down. Without thinking, I expanded. Legs wide, shoulders relaxed.

Beside me sat a thinner man who had, up until that moment, been comfortably occupying his own space.

He looked at me, then said something along the lines of:

"You know, you’ve taken about 20% of my space."

And here’s the thing—I didn’t shove him. I hadn’t physically forced him to move.

I had just assumed that extra room was mine.

Because I could.

Because somewhere, deep in my subconscious, I assumed it was okay to take.

That was arrogance. Unaware, unintentional—but arrogance nonetheless.

And I remember that moment to this day because he called me out on it. Not aggressively.

Not confrontationally. Just with a simple observation that made me realize how thoughtlessly I had assumed ownership of something that was never mine.

Now, why am I telling you this?

Not so you start expanding in an external, performative way.

Not so you claim space that isn’t yours.

But because I don’t want you to keep giving up the space that is.

• For women in male-dominated workplaces, this happens when they hesitate to speak in meetings, waiting for the “right” moment.

• For younger leaders, it happens when they hold back their ideas, assuming they need more experience before they can contribute.

• For quiet professionals, it happens when they let louder voices take over the room—not because they don’t have something valuable to say, but because they don’t naturally assert themselves.

So, what does “taking space” look like?

There are things in life that you just know how to do.

They’re so deeply ingrained in you that if someone asked you to explain how you do them, you’d struggle to put it into words.

Ask an assertive person to describe what it's like to be assertive. Most of the time, they'll stare at you in silence. That look that says: I don't even know how to describe it, I just am.

How do you know how to walk?

How do you know how to breathe?

You just do.

This is the state I want you to find—the thing you can’t explain because it just is.

If you have to work hard to describe it, you know it’s something ingrained in you.

And when you find that place where you unconsciously know—where you exist fully, naturally, and without planning or overthinking it—that is it.

Because it won’t feel like something you’re “doing.” It will feel like something you simply are.

And that “state” is whatever is important to you. A place where you don’t have to perform to show how good you are.

No apology, no shrinking.

To get to this level of presence, you must go inward first.

It’s about intrinsically remembering and recognizing every quality, experience, and strength you already have ingrained in you.

So here’s how you start:

Find that part of you that naturally is, and remember it.

The parts of you that are self-sustaining. They don’t need permission.

They don’t waver. They don’t ask for validation.

They just exist.

Look into something you know unconsciously.

Remember a moment in your life where you existed—without effort, without apology, without even thinking about it.

Where did you unconsciously spread—not in arrogance, but in pure being?

• Maybe it was a time you instinctively protected someone—without hesitation, without overanalyzing, because it was never a question of whether you should.

• Maybe it’s a space you command effortlessly—your office, your studio, your role in a project or team.

• Maybe it was a moment where you took charge in a crisis, and no one questioned it—not even you.

• Maybe it was a conversation where you held the entire room—not because you were the loudest, but because your energy was undeniable.

Whatever it is, find it.

Then, bring that “knowing” back to this moment.

Expand it.

This isn’t something you create. It’s something you remember.

It was never lost.

It was only covered, buried under years of external conditioning that told you to shrink, adapt, and be “considerate.”

Now, you reclaim it.

Not by talking over people. Not by taking space that isn’t yours.

But by taking back what has always been yours.

It looks like you grab that certainty from within you, and then,

• You speak in a meeting without prefacing with “I just wanted to say” or “This might be a bad idea, but…”

• Don’t shrink your body when sitting at the table—shoulders back, feet planted, fully present.

• Hold eye contact without immediately looking away.

• Allow silence after you speak instead of rushing to fill the gap.

• Say “No” without over-explaining.

• Take credit for your work without downplaying it.

• Claim your voice in a conversation instead of waiting for permission to speak.

It’s about moving through the world like you belong—because you do.

From today forward, every time you feel yourself shrinking, over-explaining, or softening your presence, ask yourself:

• Where do I already exist without apology?

• How would I move right now if I carried that same knowing—here, in this moment?

Because when you tap into that unconscious “being,” when you stop trying and start allowing, that’s when the shift happens.

Not by performing. Not by proving.

Just by being.

And when you get there—when you let yourself spread into your rightful space without hesitation, without question—the world will feel it.

Until next time 👋🏼

Love 💙Roberto

PS: Ready for deep, supportive growth? Join my intimate group coaching sessions, where we break these patterns together. Reach out if you want in.

PPS: These newsletters thrive on your insights. Your responses often inspire me—so keep them coming. I love hearing from you.

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