How to Engage with Dominant Leaders – Dos and Don’ts

Feeling unheard and overlooked in the workplace can be frustrating, especially when your innovative ideas fall on deaf ears.

But there's a silver lining – you have the power to turn the tide. 

Simple shifts in your approach can open doors to effective communication, ensure your ideas shine, and potentially pave the way for your next career leap. 

But you don’t have to match that energy with more noise. You can shift the entire dynamic by holding your ground—calmly, confidently, and strategically.

Let me be upfront: I’m strong-willed. I know what it’s like to want to be heard. I’m also a father to a brilliant daughter, and nothing sets me off more than watching women—or anyone—be dismissed, talked over, or underestimated in the workplace.

I’ve worked with dominant leaders for years. Their decisiveness and drive can be valuable.

But, know that these commanding personalities will dismiss or disregard you if you don’t pay attention to how you address them and the energy you bring to the conversations.

Here’s a simplified guide to help you interact effectively with these dynamic personalities.

Things you should never do:

1. Don't flake out or be a no-show. Always take responsibility for your commitments, or you’ll be dismissed.

2. Avoid backing down, complaining, or playing the victim. Stay strong and confident. They’ll respect you more and value your contributions.

3. Never be defensive or intimidated in challenging situations. Gather your energy and face them straight on. That’s when they’ll listen.

4. Don’t lose your temper to try to convince them. An unevolved leader will become defensive and chew you out. A mature alpha will wait for you to get over your tantrum and then set you straight. (They are not impressed.) 

5. Do not use titles like Mr., Sir, Professor, etc. This sends a message that you are subservient to them. Instead, use their first name. Humanize them, and let them know you are equal and won't reinforce their status and ego.

Things you should do and prepare for:

1. Adopt and demonstrate their dominant qualities to contribute positively to meetings and conversations.

2. Understand and align with their goals, and think analytically to tackle issues. Share what you know, backed with data and expertise. They’ll respect you.

3. Be proactive and forward-thinking. Embrace challenges and opportunities for learning. They have much to offer, and you can grow a lot with them.

4. Prepare thoroughly for discussions and transform unproductive habits into positive actions they can appreciate and leverage.

5. Manage disagreements with empathy and engage in respectful, effective communication. You show them how it’s done! Bravo!

6. Offer practical ideas and collaborate on shared goals. Use strong evidence to support your statements, and don’t back down. They need creative ideas to counter their rigid mindset.

7. Learn from feedback, handle sensitive topics privately, and prioritize collective well-being. Show them what vulnerability looks like so they can mirror it.

8. Resolve conflicts with dominant personalities through direct, one-on-one discussions. In any open setting, it’s a risk. The immature dominant leader will chew you out; the higher EQ will appreciate your courage.

9. Call them out—firm, polite, and direct.

   When something’s out of place—their attitude, tone, or behavior—say it straight. I call it naming the B.S. Why? Because that’s what they usually do to others. When someone does it to them, they stop. They pay attention. And they respect you more for it.

Hold Your Ground.

This is where everything changes.

When someone—especially a dominant personality—questions your ideas, dismisses your voice, or underestimates you, you don’t need to push back with force.

Instead, you make them stop and think.

Here’s how:

Ask a disarming question.→ “What brings you to say that?”→ “What makes you see it that way?”

Then pause.

Let silence do the work.

• Own your impact.→ “Here’s how that impacts me…” Say it clearly. No apology.

• Make them reflect.→ “How does that resonate with you?” Pause again. Let it land.

• Challenge old patterns.→ “I wonder if we’re both carrying old patterns here…”You’re not accusing. You’re inviting reflection—and giving them a mirror they’re not used to facing.

These steps don’t escalate tension.

They create pause.

They interrupt autopilot behavior.

And in that moment—you stop performing and start being.

This isn’t just about leadership dynamics.

It’s about how you choose to show up in every room you enter.

That your voice is worth hearing.

That your presence is enough.

That you don’t have to adapt to belong.

Because the moment you stop performing to fit the world—The world starts adapting to fit you.

Your turn—when did you last call someone out, or hold your ground with confidence?

I’d love to hear it.

PS:

Here are more disarming questions you can use:

• “How do you feel when you say that?”

• “I’m surprised you said that out loud.”

• “Did you mean for that to sound hurtful?”

• “Help me understand what you meant by that.”

• “Let’s keep this professional.”

• “I’m not comfortable with that.”

• “Let’s speak respectfully — I’ll do the same.”
  

Want to know more about how to build the confidence and courage to face such personalities? Book a call! I can help you practice this!

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