One-Tenth of a Second. That's All You Get.

In my last newsletter, I asked if you’re the leader everyone fears.

Here’s what I didn’t tell you: They knew to fear you before you said a single word.

One-Tenth of a Second. That’s all it takes for people to decide how they feel about you. Before your brilliant strategy, before your compelling argument, before you even open your mouth, they’ve already made their call.

Princeton researchers Janine Willis and Alexander Todorov found that people form impressions of trustworthiness, competence, and threat in just 100 milliseconds, literally faster than you can blink.

And if you’re a dominant, driven leader? You’re likely broadcasting “threat” when you think you’re showing “focus.”

Your face gave you away. Your body told the story. Your energy filled the room.

You walked in thinking about the problem you need to solve. They saw intensity, tension, and closed-off body language. You thought you looked ready. They felt unsafe.

To you, your intensity is normal. It’s just how you are when you’re focused, in the zone, solving problems. But to everyone else? That furrowed brow reads as worry. That tight jaw reads as anger. That unblinking stare reads as intimidation.

I call this Resting Disgruntled Face. And if you’re a dominant leader, you most likely have it.

What They See (And You Don’t)

Research shows that people assess you on two dimensions simultaneously: warmth and competence.

Warmth: “Can I trust you?”

Competence: “Can I rely on you?”

Here’s what I’ve seen in hundreds of coaching sessions with leaders like you: You nail competence. You tank warmth.

People immediately know you’re capable, driven, smart. But they don’t feel safe around you. Because trust requires warmth, and warmth is what you’re missing.

It’s not that you don’t have it. You do, plenty of it! It’s that you don’t let it out because you are so focused on tasks and results, and because of your relentless, innate drive to push forward.

The result? People respect you but keep their distance. They follow your lead, but don’t open up. They agree quickly because your intensity doesn’t leave room for pushback.

And there you are: achieving results, alone.

Whether you realize it or not, every interaction broadcasts a series of signals - loudly and clearly.

Here are three areas where you’re broadcasting the loudest:

1. Your Face: That furrowed brow you don’t know you’re wearing. Tight lips. Jaw tension. The intense stare that drills into people. Microexpressions of contempt, anger, and condescension that last only a fraction of a second, but people feel them.

2. Your Voice: Loud, even when you think you’re holding back. Clipped responses: “Fine.” “No.” “Just do it.” Fast-paced, leaving no space. Downward inflection that commands rather than invites. Monotone. And you interrupt, constantly.

3. Your Body: Legs spread wide. Arms across the table. Or worse, you lean into people’s space, invading their bubble.

The real tell is: Watch what you create in others.

When people cross their arms, lean back, hold objects in front of them, or angle their bodies toward the exit, you’re likely the cause. Your intensity is pushing them into a defensive, silent state. They’re protecting themselves.

What You Need to Change

You need to show 30% more warmth than what feels necessary to you. Because what feels “too much” to you is “just right” to everyone else.

Before any important interaction, take 30 seconds to:

• PAUSE: Check for tension in your face. Are you scowling? Soften it. Are your shoulders tense? Drop them. Take three deep breaths.

• SET YOUR INTENTION: Ask yourself, how do I want to show up? If your goal is to control or convince, adjust. Those create resistance. If your goal is to connect or collaborate, your presence will shift naturally.

• WARMTH CHECK: Can you smile genuinely right now? Can you approach this with curiosity instead of certainty? Can you show up with enthusiasm?

This takes only 30 seconds. It changes everything.

You don’t get a second chance to make a first impression.

So before your next interaction, ask yourself: What am I broadcasting right now?

Because they’re already answering that question, whether you realize it or not.

Roberto

P.S. If reading this triggers a twitch of recognition or defensiveness, stay with that feeling. That’s exactly where the work begins.

P.P.S. The most powerful leaders I’ve coached all had this moment, when they realized their intensity was their asset AND their liability. The ones who transformed didn’t change who they were. They just learned to modulate the volume.

When you’re ready to go deeper:

1. Start with awareness → Take the self-assessment to see where you land on the “brilliant but difficult” scale

2. Get the research → Download “From Control to Connection“, 3 years of data on what transforms controlling leaders

3. Work with me directly → Book a consultation to explore how your patterns affect you

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