Do you think your behavior is always spot on? You might want to rethink it.
There's a good chance you are flexing your Dominant muscles with arrogance without even realizing it.
And it's not as commendable as you might think.
Being dismissive, condescending, and arrogant is like a star player on a soccer team hogging the ball, ignoring teammates, and undermining the coach's strategy - all out of sheer arrogance, assumed privilege, and disregard for the team. (Yes, I watched Ted Lasso.)
In a recent corporate team-building workshop, I found two teams where key people were operating like clueless star players.
Their challenges appeared as typical operational issues - transition phases, lack of time, numerous ongoing projects, persistent requests, and system bugs.
However, as we dug deeper, we discovered that these were mere symptoms of underlying issues.
Here's the real lineup of the offenders:
Conflict Avoidance
Lack of Trust
Disrespect - Showing up late to meetings
Dismissiveness - Especially of women's contributions
Arrogance - Texting during meetings is seen as rude
Complacency - Assuming equal gender numbers equate to fair treatment
Why these unsporting behaviors?
The disturbing truth is that these actions are often subconscious.
They do them because they THINK they can.
Puffed up by assumed privileged entitlements related to gender, title, role, and experience, you may behave as you please, unaware of the toxic trail left behind.
And here’s where courage is vital—speaking up about these behaviors.
Courage from management, HR, and most importantly, from you, coworkers, to create an open dialogue to address these behaviors is crucial.
After we stripped away the veneer of excuses, we began a collective effort to reconstruct, like a soccer team regrouping during half-time. The group pledged to these game-changing rules:
Openly admitting mistakes: Lowering the barriers for everyone to voice ideas.
Checking one's behavior: Recognizing when dismissive, especially towards women.
Speaking up: Calling out disrespectful behavior when it occurs.
Introducing 'Poke the Bear': A pre-warning before addressing sensitive issues or poor behavior.
Holding each other accountable: A pledge to personal and collective change.
Just as a soccer team works together to move the ball across the field, the teams learned to value everyone's input, regardless of gender or cultural differences.
Remember: Dismissive, condescending, or arrogant behavior doesn't make you a strong leader but a rogue player—and only in the most negative sense.
And it’s a team’s effort to keep these egos on the bench, ask to show respect to teammates, and foster a workspace that echoes with collaboration, not dissent.
As a father to a daughter, such behavior, especially when directed towards women, strikes a personal chord.
But let's be clear: no matter the gender, this demeanor should never be the playbook for any leader and needs to be called out.
Dominant leaders can be unaware of subconscious dominance and need support to keep it in check.
That, my friends, requires courage to give constructive feedback and bring awareness to these behaviors.
Speak up!
Start your journey to empathic leadership today.
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