What patterns are you clinging to that once saved you but now suffocate you?
We all have patterns we cling to—beliefs, habits, identities that once served us but now hold us back.
The way you show up in meetings, the way you hesitate before speaking, the way you filter yourself to be more acceptable—these aren’t just behaviors.
They’re ingrained responses, shaped over time, reinforced by repetition, and hard to shake.
At some point, we have to ask:
What am I holding onto that’s keeping me small?
I know this pattern well because I’ve lived it.
When life threw me into the storm, I didn’t shy away—I went straight into it.
Every time I faced loss, rejection, or a major transition, I braced myself, gathered every tool available, and tried to power through.
It worked.
Until it didn’t.
Because at some point, trying so hard to fix yourself keeps you from simply “being.”
Last year, I took a freediving workshop. The goal? Learn how to dive deep, hold my breath longer, and stay relaxed under pressure.
The key to lasting underwater wasn’t strength—it was relaxation. The more I let go, the longer I could stay below.
Fast forward to Monterey, California. Thick wetsuits, long fins, cold water, and a rope leading 25 feet down.
My first dives were easy—I relaxed, controlled my breathing, and enjoyed the silence. But on one dive, something changed.
As I started my ascent, I looked up.
A massive wall of water stretched above me. The surface felt impossibly far.
Panic hit. Instead of trusting my training, I kicked harder, burned through my oxygen, and made the climb more difficult than it needed to be.
The mistake? I abandoned what I knew worked. I let fear override my progress.
That one moment of panic made the next few dives harder until I rebuilt my confidence.
How often do we do this in life?
You hit a moment of challenge, and instead of trusting yourself, you default to over-efforting.
You push harder, pile on more strategies, and try to outthink the discomfort.
But what if that’s exactly what’s keeping you stuck?
Many times, I was stuck, too.
My daily routine—one that initially helped me process my emotions—became a Pavlovian trigger, keeping me in the loop of struggle.
The very things that once helped me heal were now keeping me tethered to the past.
Our brains create powerful associations. Just as Pavlov's dogs learned to salivate at the sound of a bell, we develop automatic responses to situations.
These mental patterns feel real and unavoidable, but they're simply conditioned responses we can change.
Now, think about your own life. Have you unknowingly conditioned yourself into stress, anxiety, or hesitation?
Waking up and immediately feeling dread.
Entering a meeting and instantly feeling small.
Speaking up and bracing for rejection.
These reactions feel automatic, but they’re not real. They’re just mental associations built over time.
The fastest way to break them? Disrupt the pattern.
So I did. I threw out the morning routine that had kept me stuck. No more journaling about my struggles. No more books focused on fixing me. No more structured routines to make me feel better.
I cut the cord, and within days, the anxiety loop was gone.
And this applies to more than just personal habits.
I work with clients who feel trapped in patterns they don’t even realize they’ve built.
The leader who constantly over-prepares because she’s terrified of being caught “off guard.”
The professional who stays silent in meetings because, at some point, they learned that speaking up led to embarrassment.
The person tolerating a bad colleague, convinced that if they just work harder at it, things will change.
So, to help them shift, I get them into an exercise. I ask my clients:
“What are you tolerating?”
The answers come quickly:
A boss who dismisses their input
A partner who makes them feel small
Colleagues who overstep boundaries
Workloads that push them to exhaustion
Toxic environments that drain their energy
it goes on and on…
But then I asked the real question:
What are you tolerating about yourself that allows this to continue?
This is where the resistance shows up.
Because it’s easy to point outward. It's harder to look within.
Maybe you’ve convinced yourself that you don’t have the authority to speak up. Maybe you’ve told yourself that you’re too new, too inexperienced, too “not ready” to claim space. Maybe conflict terrifies you, so you avoid it and let resentment build.
So what happens? You reinforce the cycle.
You stay in a pattern where external validation dictates your worth, where old fears keep you quiet, where past failures define your future risks.
And the only way out is to break the pattern.
Let me give you a couple of examples from clients I’ve worked with and what they have done:
Anna spent years believing she wasn’t ready to lead. She took every course, every training, every certification. And still, she felt invisible. Because no amount of external validation can replace internal permission.
The moment she stopped overpreparing and started trusting herself, everything changed. She stopped waiting to feel confident and started showing up as if she already was. And people responded to that shift instantly.
Another client dreaded networking, overthinking every interaction until he barely spoke. His reframe? “I’m an expert. I’m here to help and be of service to others.” That shift took him from anxious to in power.
Claudia felt unheard in executive meetings, always waiting for the "perfect moment" to speak. When she started voicing thoughts early in discussions, she became someone people listened to—because she acted like someone worth listening to.
So, ask yourself:
Where are you clinging to effort when ease is the answer?
What’s the pattern you’re stuck in that’s keeping you small?
What are you waiting for that you actually don’t need?
Thich Nhat Hanh tells the story of a man who builds a canoe to cross a river. Once he reaches the other side, he carries the canoe on his back, thinking it will still serve him.
But now, on land, that boat is just weight.
How often do you carry things you no longer need? A belief, a habit, an identity—something that once helped you but is now dragging you down?
Real transformation happens when you trust that you no longer need the crutch.
This week, identify one pattern you're ready to release. One behavior, belief, or habit that once protected you but now constrains you. Then, consciously choose a new response when that trigger appears.
Because here’s what I learned in that deep dive:
The surface is always there. But the harder you struggle, the harder it is to reach.
What if, instead of kicking harder, you simply allowed yourself to rise?
Let go. Trust yourself; trust your inner buoyancy- your inner knowing.
Get to the surface.
Breathe.
Until next time 👋🏼
Love 💙Roberto
—
P.S. If this hit home, tell me: What are you tolerating and doing that holds you back?
====================
Follow me, Roberto Giannicola, for more content and insights.
Book a call
Comments