Brilliant But Difficult - And Afraid of Irrelevance

This summer, I took a pause, a space to reflect and dig deeper into the work that has defined me.

For a decade, I've coached many leaders everyone calls “brilliant but difficult,” the ones who build through force of will - the pushy, dominant, controlling type.

They are the leaders who get things done, but also risk leaving a trail of destruction in their wake.

Many coaches avoid these dominant leaders. I don't.

I seek them out.

I get them, I see their drives and intricate patterns that lead them to such behaviors. I know them because I’ve been on both sides of dominance: leading with it, and coaching those who do.

I know the high-performance drive that builds their careers—and the silent cost it creates.

During this pause, I compiled 360 feedback reports, development plans, and end-of-coaching reviews from these particular leaders, encompassing three years of data.

Analyzing them revealed clear patterns.

They were described as brilliant, decisive, and relentless. They were also described as intimidating, resistant, and hard to approach.

And beneath it all, one fear surfaced more than any other: The fear of irrelevance.

”If I’m not the one in charge, I might not matter at all.”

That fear doesn’t just stay hidden. It creates exhaustion for the leader, bottlenecks decisions, drives talent out the door, and replaces honest conversations with silence.

But it can shift.

When leaders stopped proving their worth and began building trust, the change was dramatic. Authority as influencers grew, rather than eroding. Teams responded with loyalty instead of compliance. Execution sped up instead of grinding to a halt.

I’ve documented the full findings in a whitepaper: From Control to Connection — The Hidden Drivers Behind Dominant Leadership and How They Transform. You can download it here: Get the whitepaper

The most powerful thing a leader can do isn’t to prove they’re indispensable.

It’s to create so much trust and value that they no longer need to be.

I’m paying it forward, with gratitude,

Roberto

PS. The data revealed what leaders rarely say out loud: the fear of irrelevance, the exhaustion of holding up the image, and the loneliness that only fueled more control. It’s the part of the story most people never see.

P.P.S. You might find this useful the day someone says, “We’ve got this incredibly talented leader who’s driving the team crazy.”

====================

Follow me, Roberto Giannicola, for more content and insights.

Book a call